So you just got yourself up for the day and you dragged yourself out of bed knowing you are about to be met with the onslaught of demands from your entire family. Making breakfast for hungry and cranky kids, making lunches, figuring out what needs to be started for dinner preparations, loading up the washing machine, feeding the dog, getting little feet into shoes, making sure teeth are brushed and chores done before running out the door to drop the kids off at school and diving into ‘work’ (whatever that may be). Throughout the whole process you are wondering why everyone does not do their part with a smile on their face and why no one asks you if they can offer some help!
Support seems to be this elusive thing we cannot seem to find or get enough of in our lives. We talk about it a lot but we cannot put our finger on what is missing. Earlier last year I dove into figuring this out and learned quite a bit in the process about myself. But this isn’t really my style to tell you why you aren’t getting the support you need. Rather than spend my time reflecting on why I wasn’t getting the support I needed, I asked a different question…there must be people out there who do feel they are getting the support they need. What are they doing so well and how can I do that too?
3 ways you can FEEL unusually supported and appreciated by others
1. Ask: how can I help YOU?
Wait…what? What I have found is that the second I start feeling under-supported, I immediately ask someone how I can help them. Usually this works the absolute best if the people I am offering this help to are those closest to me: my husband and my daughter and my extended family. Instead of looking to receive help, I offer MORE help to others. I actually say: How can I help you? Modeling those words – how can I help you, will come back to you 1000-fold. I started asking my daughter and my husband ‘how can I help you?’ a few months ago and it is amazing how many times they have now used the same words right back to me. And boy does that feel good!
2. Discover the lost art of EDIFICATION
I can’t even say that a year ago I knew what this word even meant. It isn’t a word we use so much these days. Or at least I didn’t. Edification is a lost art. When you introduce someone to a new friend, how do you often do it? Do you say: “Rachel, meet Adam. He is my good friend from college.” Or do you say: “Rachel, meet Adam. I met Adam in college and he taught me the incredible lesson of true loyalty in friendship. He is incredibly successful in business and dotes on his wife like no other!” Do you see the difference? It is like a compliment on steroids. How often have you been in a conversation with someone who was demeaning and teasing their spouse or their children in front of everyone? “Oh dear my husband FINALLY cleaned out the garage this past weekend after months of my nagging.” Or this one with the child listening nearby: “my daughter is such a grump in the morning and I simply cannot take her eye-rolling anymore!” This is not edification! Yet we for some reason think it is cool to ‘tease’ and tear people down. How about lifting people up? People that edify are supported greatly by those around them!
3. Believe in the power of your words
Words are extremely powerful. I am sure you have heard of the old proverb that ‘Life and death are in the tongue.’ Here is a bit more color on that…Do you know where the word Abracadabra comes from? When you think of that word you likely think of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat but it actually comes from an ancient Jewish/Aramaic phrase meaning ‘I speak therefore I create‘. To keep this simple I will just say that if you say you aren’t getting support then you are speaking that into your reality. Why not say that you are getting support and focus on where that is coming from? Find the positives in your daily life activities and focus on those and speak life into them. When we talk about the good things we increase the good around us!
What do all three of these have in common: WORDS.
This week brings more truth insight from Tazria: Leviticus 12:1 – 13:59 where it could be read as a litany of instructions on how to treat some disease of old that we no longer recognize and no longer deal with. However, I want to make it known that this ancient text has been completely misunderstood by many who read it because of common translations. The disease discussed is usually translated as being ‘leprosy’ but this is not the case. The ailment mentioned is actually not something that can be easily translated. The Hebrew word is tzara-at and is more commonly summarized by commentators as not a bodily disease but as the physical manifestation of a spiritual issue. But caused by what issue? Words. Yes words are powerful…
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me
There has never been a saying that is further from the truth as this often quoted story explains. Plain and simply put: tzara-at is caused by evil speech or gossip (in Hebrew lashon hara) and is a physical indicator from G-d that this individual needs to fix some pretty hurtful wrongs that requires they (and namely their mouth) needs to be cut off from society to stop the spread of the evil gossip and unkind words. The fact that we do not see this kind of ailment (tzara-at) anymore in current times is also telling. It made me wonder what was so different about the way people lived then and how they spoke to each other. I can’t even imagine what having a physical indicator of how my words were impacting others would be like?! Can you?! Gossip is more than you would think and when you really stop to think about it, the harm that we can do with words should give all of us pause. I highly recommend this truly impactful and helpful book on gossip because it provides simple strategies to avoid it.
Feeling deflated from lack of support
So what happens when we don’t feel supported? Most likely you are practicing some negative emotional patterns to cope.
I have found when I am feeling super unsupported I tend to get a bit snippy with my words to those closest to me. Ok…maybe a lot snippy… One of my favorite ways to address this and gain some discretion now has been by diluting a roll on with Clove for Lashing Out. I apply on my throat and it really does help me to focus on using my words for good vs. just yelling at someone in frustration!
What about criticism? When we feel something isn’t going our way we try to tear it down and usually with critical words. How to get over feeling super critical or a feeling of being criticized by someone else in a positive and constructive way? Break out your Lavender!
The hardest part of stepping out of our comfort zone is frankly feeling pretty stupid and humiliated in the process of learning new skills. We have all felt like a fish out of water and it isn’t fun. But how amazing does it feel when you can get over that hump and learn that new skill? Honoring yourself during this process vs. barfing that humiliation on others to feel better about yourself (with your words!) is key. Break out the Magnify Your Purpose for this type of issue.
Wrap up: Oils to add to your prayers
- Clove for Lashing Out. The other side is Discretion. Say “Truth comes through me” while applying diluted clove to the throat.
- Lavender for Criticism. The other side is Unconditional Love and Acceptance. Say “I receive” while applying Lavender to the lower back.
- Magnify Your Purpose for Humiliation. The other side is Honor (kavod). Say “I manifest divine qualities” while applying to the lower back.